[Chicks]

ALLENWOOD, PENNSYLVANIA (The Borowitz Report)—Immediately after being released from prison, the former pharmaceutical C.E.O. Martin Shkreli got an unpleasant surprise when an Uber driver charged him three hundred times the normal rate.

The driver said that he jacked up the price of Shkreli’s ride once he recognized the notorious “pharma bro,” sending the cost of the twelve-dollar fare rocketing to thirty-six hundred dollars.

Refusing to pay, Shkreli demanded to get out of the car, after which he walked to the side of the road and began hitchhiking.

As of press time, Shkreli had yet to get a ride, as drivers recognizing the convicted felon sped past him.

The Uber driver said that Shkreli had been “really pissed” about the sudden increase in price, but added, “I explained to him, this is how capitalism works.”