[Chicks]

SSEATTLE (The Borowitz Report)—Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, announced on Tuesday that when the purported “pee tape” becomes available it will be offered free to all Amazon Prime members.

Speaking to reporters in Seattle, Bezos said that the pee-tape offer was “consistent with Amazon’s mandate to offer the highest-quality content to our customers.”

Bezos acknowledged that the tape had not surfaced yet, but said that Amazon was “working around the clock to make that happen.”

Bezos’s offer drew a mixed response from Prime members, with some begging Amazon not to offer the pee tape to them.

Over all, though, interest in the tape was robust, as pre-orders for the item quickly made it the highest-ranking product on the entire Amazon site.

According to its product page, customers who bought the pee tape also bought “A Higher Loyalty” by James Comey.