should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting?

[1924]

hoping there might be some people familiar in law enforcement here.

my wife will soon be entering county jail for seven months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 15 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is "getting ordered around now". I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical about it . I was originally not going to let her visit her mom in jail because I would think exposing her to that environment is not a good idea but I am actually hearing that it is a good idea to let her visit but why? isn't it a bad idea to let a 15 year old be exposed to a jail. She could easily be intimidated by the guards and inmates and just the area. My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don't if she doesn't. She says she doesn't have a problem visiting but I am not sure. Also I want to make sure it doesn't feel like the whole family is in jail

also, should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail? I would hope she doesn't talk to anyone there.

[Pio1980]

Take her, it's about your family, forgiveness, and compassion.
As for your wife, I can't tell you what is appropriate but she may have to figure it out herself.

Sent from my SM-N900V using Tapatalk

[donquixote99]

OK, don't really know you or your family. But you're asking, so I'll just tell you what I see in your post.

You mention these concerns:

--exposing your daughter to 'that environment'
--daughter intimidated by guards and inmates
--it could feel like 'the whole family is in jail'
--your wife talking to anyone there

Basically, you sound fairly freaked-out by the idea of prison and your family being things that are associated. That is very understandable and natural. It really attacks your ability to feel you all are OK respectable middle-class people, doesn't it? Well, you all have 7 months to get through, anyway. You need to think of your ongoing life as a family, which will be decades, not months. Think of what will be best for your family relationships going forward.

I think it's likely that you have shame about the prison term, and this has more to do than anything else with your clear desire to keep your daughter away from the place. But I don't think she should go seven months without seeing her mother. Your wife is going to be your daughter's mother for the rest of her life. They should stay in touch during this episode, I'd say.

BTW, do you really think your wife should go seven months without 'talking' to anyone? That is hardly human. Seven months in solitary would be very traumatic. This again sounds like an attempt to keep your family separate from the 'shame and disgrace' of prison, but that's hardly possible, especially for your wife, who is going to be living there for seven months. You need to support her, unconditionally, not try to put more difficulties on her to ease your own feelings.

[Zeke]

I'd take her as seven months at county isn't precisely prison, especially for a $$$ crime, depending upon facility.

Visitation will likely occur in an open area similar to a hospital waiting room and I wouldn't expect a vigorous (unlike prison, especially maximum custody) search upon entry.

It's like visiting Mom in any sterile area except she doesn't get to leave.

[Dondilion]

I am ambivalent about this.

While there might need for them to meet, seven months is not a long time.

Allowing your daughter to visit jail might reduce her fear of jail.
I want my kids to have a fear of jail.

[bobabode]

Welcome to the AK's asylum for misfits and malcontents 1924.

Sorry to hear what your family is going through. Take her to see her mom when she's ready.

[merrylander]

Bobabode just gave you good advice.

[Countryford]

If you are going to stay with your wife, I would recommend that you go and visit your wife. If your daughter asks if she can go, I would allow her to go. Since your daughter is underage, she will no be able to go alone. She will have to be there with a parent or a legal guardian, mainly you. Being that your wife is in jail, she doesn't count in this sense.

I work in a state prison. I know what the visitation is like there. I can only report what it is like at the state I am in. It may be the same where you are and it may be different. In a lower custody setting, there is a large room/area for visitation. Typically the inmate and their visitors have their own table. The other inmates in that area are there to visit their visitors. They won't be coming over to visit your wife. They could actually get their visit cancelled if they disrupt another inmate's visit. As far as the guards, they are there just observing and checking in the visitors.
Upon entering the facility, you will be searched. You will have to clear a metal detector. I would recommend to have the least amount of metal on you. For your daughter, suggest she wear a bra without an underwire. Those underwires will set the detector off.
If you are still unsure, go by yourself the first time and observe what happens.
7 months may not seem like a long time, but for someone behind bars, it is a long time. They will make friends with the other inmates. Not everyone in prison is a bad person. People make mistakes. Some people get caught for their mistakes.

[d-ray657]

Man, what a helpful post!

Regards,

D-Ray

[CarlV]

Yep, some great info here. Figuring out women can be tough for us guys but if she is typical I would say

My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don't if she doesn't.

I would take that as a big yes that she wants to see her daughter.

She says she doesn't have a problem visiting but I am not sure.

She is going to be a female on an island, in a "masculine environment", 24/7 for months, not good. She needs you to help to keep her in touch with her femininity. Visit her often, take her girly things that are allowed, romance her a little. Or a lot. It should help her a lot with keeping depression away, which is what I would be concerned with most.


Carl