Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandy G
You dumb redneck...Whoever heard of fishin' in yer Sunday-Go-To-Meetin' duds like that ?!? Didn't yer Mama give you better Home Trainin' than THAT ?!? (grin) I learned The Hard Way about Sunday-Go-To-Meetin' clothes...NEW pair of white pants...w/tan buckskin shoes.... Went to the farm w/'em on... Spied a brand-new, FRESH cow Pie... Took shoes 'n' Socks off, splattered said Green Cow Pie ALL OVER my white britches...Felt pretty good, warm cow poo in my toes 'n' all...Didn't feel too good when Mama finished lightin' my 10-yr-old Ass alight after I got home, for RUININ' the White Pants...Even the Dry Cleaners never did get all the stain out...They were like $20, 25 which was BIG MONEY for boys' britches back then...My dad thought it was kinda funny, Mama about flogged HIM, too, & she NEVER did that...It was still a sore spot years later...Don't think I ever "Parted the Waters" on a cow pie after that, either...Did bean my sister on the noggin w/a Horse Apple once & nearly got keelhauled for that, tho...My sis was sneaky that way...
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Come on now, tha twuz jest them PETTER feller's trying ta clean up muh image.
Now I got me one of them Sundy go ta meetin' funeral suits, and a pair of them patent leather "fruit loop" clogs...but I ain't about to be runnin' in dud's like that lest it is sumptin' impotent. Even got me one of them fancy "winds itself" watches whut yew can look at from both sides.
Used to, I'd slick up purty good. Any more...well, ain't too much ya can do fer fat bald fellers. Make 'em smell a little better, ifin' ya's lucky.
Them big, green cow pies WILL get a feller in trouble. One of muh 'old buddies liked ta killed me fer hittin' him upside the head with one back when we wuz keds.
But he had it comin', what ya git fer stickin' yer pecker in the mouthpiece of muh bugle.
Chas