It's friday. - Page 23

Boreas · #**221** 08-13-2010, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piece-itpete

We do force our bad apples to resign.

Pete

Duke Cunningham
David Vitter
J.C. Heyward
Larry Craig
Bob Ney
Ted Stevens

Shall I go on?

John

piece-itpete · #**222** 08-20-2010, 01:04 PM

.................

piece-itpete · #**223** 08-20-2010, 01:09 PM

Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"

piece-itpete · #**224** 08-20-2010, 01:11 PM

My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
"Nothing. She's just having contractions."

Ok, ok, that's just wrong

Pete

piece-itpete · #**225** 08-20-2010, 01:12 PM

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.
"I can't leave," the doctor says. "But here's what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. "What did the doctor say?" the victim cries.
"He says you're gonna die."

finnbow · #**226** 08-20-2010, 01:45 PM

IF YOU MARRY A WEST VIRGINIA GIRL

Three friends married women from different parts of the country.

The first man married a woman from Indiana. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Michigan He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from West Virginia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

finnbow · #**227** 08-20-2010, 01:48 PM

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"
The irate customer called the newspaper office and
loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday.
The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, and then she was heard to mutter,

"Well, shit, that's why no one was at church today."

finnbow · #**228** 08-20-2010, 01:56 PM

A friend of mine in California got an invitation to go to Gary Coleman's funeral last May. He got a good picture of Gary's casket with his name beautifully engraved on the side.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

piece-itpete · #**229** 08-20-2010, 01:59 PM

ROTFLMAO!

Pete

piece-itpete · #**230** 08-20-2010, 02:17 PM

I showed that to a coworker - he said add a line:

.... so don't f*ck with us.

Pete